A long, heartfelt prayer
My posts are often long, but I think this one is my longest. But there's a reason for that. In a way, I feel like this post is my gift to you. It's a prayer (I know some of you will yawn at this point). It is me sharing from the depths of my heart, as I go before God. I share it because I believe what I write here expresses the hearts of so many of you. I share it, that some of you may read the words, and also offer them to God about yourself as you read. ("me too" prayers.)
The reason I call it a gift is because I believe that anytime someone shares a "real" part of themself to another, they are saying a couple things: 1.) I trust you enough to be real 2.) I value you enough to want you to know me better.
A couple months ago I wrote down a list of words. I don't remember why I did that. But once I had the list down, I began to meditate on them. After thinking about them for a while, I wrote out a long prayer, addressing each word in turn. In thinking about what to write today, I stumbled across that prayer.
My prayer:
Oh Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
Identity: You see me as I am, both the good and the bad. Please help me to see who I am because of who You are, because of what You’ve done, and because of what You are doing in me. Please help me learn to trust You, to trust myself because of Who I am in You, and then rejoice in that identity.
Purpose: You’ve created me for a purpose. Please help me not to directly seek that purpose as much as to seek You, and in so doing, to find who I am and why I am here. And as that purpose becomes more and more clear (Thank You that this is happening) may I approach it with humility, sensitivity, honesty, and grace (for myself and others).
Priorities: So often my priorities reach no further than the immediate gratification of my desires. Please help me to accept Your love, and may that love transform me that I might love You, and in loving You, find that my priorities have changed.
Acceptance: Please help me to accept who I am, as You accept me. Please help me to see my failures as reminders of my need for You, as tools to keep me from focusing on what I do instead of what You do in and through me. And please help me to accept the good and the beautiful in me. That may be even harder than accepting my failures. Please, Lord, help me to accept, to be loving to, those who are different from me. Help me to be gracious to those who disagree with me theologically, politically, professionally, and personally.
Choice: Help me to make choices which are free from guilt and fear, or the desire to control my world. Again, please change my heart that I might be honest with myself when confronted with choices, and recognize that on my own, I will almost always choose to sin.
Freedom: Thank You for the freedom You have given me to choose to turn to You in my desperate need for a redeemer and saviour.
Honesty: You see how often I choose to lie to myself and others. Please help me to be honest with myself, with You, and with others. At the same time, help me to exercise restraint and discretion about when and where to share from my story.
Integrity: I have so little integrity. It almost feels like a word from a foreign language. I thank You for 2 Timothy 2:13 which tells me that You are faithful even when I am unfaithful.
Eternity: Eternity seems like such a long way away. I can believe it’s going to happen, and there’s even a part of me that’s afraid of the concept because I cannot envision life without pain. So an eternity with pain frightens me. In my head I know that You would not do that, and scripture speaks of there being no more tears in Heaven. But my fear tells me that I still don’t fully trust You. Forgive me. You know that’s who I am right now. I offer that lack of trust to You. Please transform me.
Transparency: Lord, I believe You have called me to be transparent with others, and to do so in a way which points to hope in You. You know how unworthy I feel. You know how I fear being exposed as a fraud. So help me to do the exposing myself, but with discretion. Help me to be open about who I really am, when You provide the opportunities for me to share. And help me to do so without trying to accomplish anything other than to respond in love and respect to the listener and to point to You. Help me to be sensitive to the way You work in the lives of others.
Compassion: You see how little compassion I really have. I acknowledge that You have awakened parts of my heart which had been numbed by self-indulgence. Help me not to seek to be compassionate so that I might feel something in return. I confess that I am confused by the issue of compassion. Please develop a consistently compassionate heart in me. Please help me to be honest with myself and with You when I consider doing something out of compassion. At the same time, please help me not to get caught up in second-guessing. Teach me to hear Your Spirit. Transform me that compassion is not something I have to think about; that it would simply be a natural response.
Courage: I am such a coward. I am filled with subtle fear so much of the time. Most of all I fear pain. In my mind, the idea of being courageous carries with it the concepts of self-discipline and personal sacrifice. I recoil inwardly at the thought. Only by Your grace, only through the transformation of You Spirit can I ever find courage within me. Perhaps that’s the key, I cannot find it within me. Therefore, I must acknowledge my fear and turn to You for courage. But even that takes courage. Lord, I feel as if I’m talking in circles. You know what I need, far more than I. Please help me.
Vision: Abba, You know that my vision is such a fickle thing. Sometimes I am filled with passion about a cause, a project, an idea. And then later, when the going gets difficult, I grow bored or disillusioned. Please give me vision. Please help me to see Your Spirit guiding in my life, and in the lives of those around me. Please give me the vision of Your purposes.
Clarity: And clarity. I need clarity. Please help me to see my life clearly. Please help me to see obstacles in my path, both those which life has brought my way, and those which I have created, especially those that I protect.
Discernment: Lord, I feel that You have given me far more discernment than I used to have. Perhaps it’s just having walked on this earth for 51 years, and the accumulated wisdom from a multitude of failures. But, then again, You've brought me through a lot, and taught me in the process.
Respect: You see how quickly my character defects result in me treating those I love with total disrespect. As my dear BIC, Lee, likes to say, a bell cannot be unrung. Help me to guard my tongue, to pause just a little longer, to be a little more aware of my words, especially when I am angry or disappointed.
Wisdom: Oh Lord, You have brought me through so much. Compared to many others, my life has been relatively uneventful. My insights are meagre compared to them. But You do not call me to compare. You call me to honour that which You have done in me, and the ongoing transformation to which You are committed. Please help me to be grateful for the things You have taught me. Help me not let my fear or my pride get in the way of sharing what You have taught, but Lord, please help me to do so with gentleness and respect. Please help me respond to Your leading, Please help me to hear Your voice. Lord, You see how quickly I come up with "great solutions" for other people, when what they really need is to be heard and affirmed, or even just to have someone be there with them. Help me to remember that simple presence is a gift in itself at times. You see how I can hardly wait sometimes when a friend is laying their soul before me in their agony, and I can barely constrain myself because I want to share something about MYSELF that is "relevant" to their situation. Please help me to just shut-up at times.
On the other hand, Lord, please help me to be honest about the fact that You have taught me things and that at times some other people can benefit from those things. Help me to share with humility, as unnatural as that is for me. You see the raging sea of pride beneath the calm and soothing words. You see the enormous, deep need to matter, to feel special, to feel accepted. You see how easily my sharing becomes performance. It makes me so tired to think of this. It makes me hesitant to share this prayer with anyone else.
Lord, I offer this prayer to You, from my heart. You see how mixed are my emotions, my desires. Lord, as I’ve said before, that which I am, I offer to You. AMEN
The reason I call it a gift is because I believe that anytime someone shares a "real" part of themself to another, they are saying a couple things: 1.) I trust you enough to be real 2.) I value you enough to want you to know me better.
A couple months ago I wrote down a list of words. I don't remember why I did that. But once I had the list down, I began to meditate on them. After thinking about them for a while, I wrote out a long prayer, addressing each word in turn. In thinking about what to write today, I stumbled across that prayer.
My prayer:
Oh Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
Identity: You see me as I am, both the good and the bad. Please help me to see who I am because of who You are, because of what You’ve done, and because of what You are doing in me. Please help me learn to trust You, to trust myself because of Who I am in You, and then rejoice in that identity.
Purpose: You’ve created me for a purpose. Please help me not to directly seek that purpose as much as to seek You, and in so doing, to find who I am and why I am here. And as that purpose becomes more and more clear (Thank You that this is happening) may I approach it with humility, sensitivity, honesty, and grace (for myself and others).
Priorities: So often my priorities reach no further than the immediate gratification of my desires. Please help me to accept Your love, and may that love transform me that I might love You, and in loving You, find that my priorities have changed.
Acceptance: Please help me to accept who I am, as You accept me. Please help me to see my failures as reminders of my need for You, as tools to keep me from focusing on what I do instead of what You do in and through me. And please help me to accept the good and the beautiful in me. That may be even harder than accepting my failures. Please, Lord, help me to accept, to be loving to, those who are different from me. Help me to be gracious to those who disagree with me theologically, politically, professionally, and personally.
Choice: Help me to make choices which are free from guilt and fear, or the desire to control my world. Again, please change my heart that I might be honest with myself when confronted with choices, and recognize that on my own, I will almost always choose to sin.
Freedom: Thank You for the freedom You have given me to choose to turn to You in my desperate need for a redeemer and saviour.
Honesty: You see how often I choose to lie to myself and others. Please help me to be honest with myself, with You, and with others. At the same time, help me to exercise restraint and discretion about when and where to share from my story.
Integrity: I have so little integrity. It almost feels like a word from a foreign language. I thank You for 2 Timothy 2:13 which tells me that You are faithful even when I am unfaithful.
Eternity: Eternity seems like such a long way away. I can believe it’s going to happen, and there’s even a part of me that’s afraid of the concept because I cannot envision life without pain. So an eternity with pain frightens me. In my head I know that You would not do that, and scripture speaks of there being no more tears in Heaven. But my fear tells me that I still don’t fully trust You. Forgive me. You know that’s who I am right now. I offer that lack of trust to You. Please transform me.
Transparency: Lord, I believe You have called me to be transparent with others, and to do so in a way which points to hope in You. You know how unworthy I feel. You know how I fear being exposed as a fraud. So help me to do the exposing myself, but with discretion. Help me to be open about who I really am, when You provide the opportunities for me to share. And help me to do so without trying to accomplish anything other than to respond in love and respect to the listener and to point to You. Help me to be sensitive to the way You work in the lives of others.
Compassion: You see how little compassion I really have. I acknowledge that You have awakened parts of my heart which had been numbed by self-indulgence. Help me not to seek to be compassionate so that I might feel something in return. I confess that I am confused by the issue of compassion. Please develop a consistently compassionate heart in me. Please help me to be honest with myself and with You when I consider doing something out of compassion. At the same time, please help me not to get caught up in second-guessing. Teach me to hear Your Spirit. Transform me that compassion is not something I have to think about; that it would simply be a natural response.
Courage: I am such a coward. I am filled with subtle fear so much of the time. Most of all I fear pain. In my mind, the idea of being courageous carries with it the concepts of self-discipline and personal sacrifice. I recoil inwardly at the thought. Only by Your grace, only through the transformation of You Spirit can I ever find courage within me. Perhaps that’s the key, I cannot find it within me. Therefore, I must acknowledge my fear and turn to You for courage. But even that takes courage. Lord, I feel as if I’m talking in circles. You know what I need, far more than I. Please help me.
Vision: Abba, You know that my vision is such a fickle thing. Sometimes I am filled with passion about a cause, a project, an idea. And then later, when the going gets difficult, I grow bored or disillusioned. Please give me vision. Please help me to see Your Spirit guiding in my life, and in the lives of those around me. Please give me the vision of Your purposes.
Clarity: And clarity. I need clarity. Please help me to see my life clearly. Please help me to see obstacles in my path, both those which life has brought my way, and those which I have created, especially those that I protect.
Discernment: Lord, I feel that You have given me far more discernment than I used to have. Perhaps it’s just having walked on this earth for 51 years, and the accumulated wisdom from a multitude of failures. But, then again, You've brought me through a lot, and taught me in the process.
Respect: You see how quickly my character defects result in me treating those I love with total disrespect. As my dear BIC, Lee, likes to say, a bell cannot be unrung. Help me to guard my tongue, to pause just a little longer, to be a little more aware of my words, especially when I am angry or disappointed.
Wisdom: Oh Lord, You have brought me through so much. Compared to many others, my life has been relatively uneventful. My insights are meagre compared to them. But You do not call me to compare. You call me to honour that which You have done in me, and the ongoing transformation to which You are committed. Please help me to be grateful for the things You have taught me. Help me not let my fear or my pride get in the way of sharing what You have taught, but Lord, please help me to do so with gentleness and respect. Please help me respond to Your leading, Please help me to hear Your voice. Lord, You see how quickly I come up with "great solutions" for other people, when what they really need is to be heard and affirmed, or even just to have someone be there with them. Help me to remember that simple presence is a gift in itself at times. You see how I can hardly wait sometimes when a friend is laying their soul before me in their agony, and I can barely constrain myself because I want to share something about MYSELF that is "relevant" to their situation. Please help me to just shut-up at times.
On the other hand, Lord, please help me to be honest about the fact that You have taught me things and that at times some other people can benefit from those things. Help me to share with humility, as unnatural as that is for me. You see the raging sea of pride beneath the calm and soothing words. You see the enormous, deep need to matter, to feel special, to feel accepted. You see how easily my sharing becomes performance. It makes me so tired to think of this. It makes me hesitant to share this prayer with anyone else.
Lord, I offer this prayer to You, from my heart. You see how mixed are my emotions, my desires. Lord, as I’ve said before, that which I am, I offer to You. AMEN
4 Comments:
That is a powerful prayer. Thanks for giving much to think about in my own prayer life
That is a powerful prayer. Thanks for giving much to think about in my own prayer life
Thanks, brotha buck. I appreciate your comment. And, I have really enjoyed your blog since I found my way there from David Cho's a while ago. Thanks for visiting!
thanks, Michael, I will read this again in the morning when I can see better....
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